if people starts to put high hopes on you.
and you cant bare to let them down again.
because all yr life,your life,
you're just another disappointment.
no matter how hard you try to change.
no matter how hard you push on, you
can never be the girl they will
held up high and claim that im worth it.
its superrrr hard to face failures.
and god knows how hard i tried to choke back tears
every single time i fail.
every single time i fall.
every single time i become a source f disappointment.
i hate failing,because it just aint me.
i have always wanted to be the best,but i dont want to
showcase my ego.
im sick of being a disappointment to people,especially my parents.
when they hope so much for me.
i pressure myself more,because i dont want them to shed a tear on me.
enough already with all the sacrifices they made for me.
now i want to show then that i can do it,maybe better.
i want to be this girl whom people look up to
this girl people is proud of.
i dont want to have another setback,
i really want to do my best.
but im tireddd now.
im really tired.
tired of trying my best to impress.

there aint gonna be another letdown.
imma face this alone.
and make it happen.
once and for all.

again, i've been in deepdeep thoughts lately.
and i just at times,need space to breathe.
with all my schedule so jam packed, i can hardly consider my future options.
as badly as i want to go to SP and get to a course of my choice,
i dont know it its really that im after.
or should i go after my passion,
culinary skills, baking,catering.
SHATEC?
what about TP?

im confuse.
we shall see the outcome.
one im done and over with o levels.
when im holding on to the result slip.
when i look at my score.
then i shall question my options again.
for now,maybe.
i should just strive to impress.

im mentally tired.
that i could just die.
seriously.

plus, trying to clear my mind
have been a chore for me.
well,lately,that is.
i've been thinking too much lately.
but the strange thing is.
um.
i've gain another level of self-esteem.
its like,i dont think countless times before making a comment.
i could just talk.
bam,i can talk!
just relate with people.

i dont know what to describe my life now.
im coping, at the same time im struggling.
dang!
what is this feeling?

i prefer to just stay within my thoughts.
rather than opening up and let people know what i've been thinking.
come to think of it.
i've been hiding stuffs from my friends.
i'd rather keep some stuff to myself.
i just,
*sighs.
dont want to talk about this.

i just need a little time alone for myself.
and at the same time,i dont want to get too emotional.
well,this post is already emotional enough.

realise?
not even a single ':D'

cant take it anymore.
i just want to screaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
scream my lungs out,till my throats bleed. till the tears fall.

i just want to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
away from everything, i dont want to stop,
faster and faster and faster, falling out of reality.

i just want to cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
till everything's over and my heart feels lighter
like the weight on my shoulders have been lifted.

impossible?

i just need a hug, it will mean so much to me right now.
just to tell me im not going psycho and things are fine.
im just thinking wildly too much.

and to someone,
im constantly wondering
if you are oke right now.
i want to catch up with you.
theres just so much i want to tell you.
will we be able to speak like before?
but now,i feel like i need you to just hear my shits.
and i want to hear yours.

i read this girl's blog.
though she's just a friend or schoolmate
or whatever.
reading her rants about life.
somehow made me teared a little?
whoa, life and great expectations
they sound simple.
but,hah.
imagine the whole world realying on you to save the world.
its like having the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.
girl,cheer up.
i know, easier said than done.